Pretending that your spouse isn’t annoying is the “price of admission” to a long-term relationship

In a Q&A a couple years ago, a woman asked Dan Savage, “I can’t stay interested in a guy for longer than two months. What is wrong with me? I find a flaw and can’t get over it…”

His short answer is, “You are the problem with you.”

But then he goes on to helpfully discuss how, not only is acceptance of your significant other’s foibles important, but you actually have to treat them like those flaws don’t exist.

That’s the price you have to be willing to pay to be in a long and happy relationship…

(NSFW language)

(via Reddit)

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One response to “Pretending that your spouse isn’t annoying is the “price of admission” to a long-term relationship”

  1. Cat says:

    As someone who’s been married, happily married, for almost 30 years I can tell you that this is and isn’t spot on. No one is perfect. If you find someone who has flaws that don’t drive you out of the door or to murder then you are doing much better than a lot of people. This doesn’t mean you should pretend that those flaws don’t exist. You don’t do yourself or your spouse a favor by letting them think that their temper is a great thing…or that leaving the lid off of the mustard is going to be charming at everyone else’s house when you barely tolerate it in your own. You may be able to accept his blunt critiques at home but out in public this could effect your job, your friendships, your life. So he needs to know that it’s NOT ok. That some behaviours, while they don’t exactly drive you nuts, can very well not be socially acceptable. By pretending they don’t exist you actually open your spouse up to hardship they shouldn’t have to face if you had been honest with them. This does NOT mean that you get to be mean to them or that they get to be mean to you because neither of you are perfect. So letting them know how they may be perceived is good, berating them about it isn’t. As with all of life, moderation is the key and kindness is the method.

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