What’s Heisenberg without his black hat? Or Jesse Pinkman without a robot vacuum? And don’t even try to imagine Hank without his minerals (not rocks, Marie).

Vince Gilligan created an addictive television masterpiece by crafting characters known for their deep transformations and dark struggles. But the Breaking Bad crew is also known for the products that shaped them.

What if the characters from Breaking Bad actually felt compelled to share unfiltered thoughts about their trademark products with the Internet?

Stock your cart with not-so-real Amazon reviews by your favorite Albuquerque residents. And add your own Breaking Bad-inspired product reviews in the comments.