GOORAMA!

Fiona Apple was busted for hashish possession last week in Sierra Blanca, Texas, a place where other weed-loving musicians such as Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg have been arrested in the past. The singer was forced to postpone her gig in Austin, but made it to her scheduled show in Dallas on Friday. She addressed the fiasco immediately upon hitting the stage:

Apple starts off by pointing out that most of the people at the Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Office were nice to her, but then tore into four employees who said or did some hurtful things. “I want you to know that I heard everything you did, I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said, stupidly thinking that I couldn’t hear or see you,” she said, taunting people who probably were not at her show.

Furthermore: “I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and — I got two lock boxes. We’ll call them ‘holding cell one’ and ‘holding cell two.’ In ‘holding cell one’ is the encoded version of the shit that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In ‘holding cell two’ is the decoder.”

Fiona Apple’s brain can do that, you guys. Her mind is truly an extraordinary machine.