GOORAMA!

1. There are a minimum of 200 guests — and they’ll all be at the church too.

2. There are approximately 20 bridesmaids — all of whom are family members because World War III would have broken out if you’d chosen one cousin but not another.

3. It takes forever to find your seat placement cards because they all have the same names.

Did anyone in this family NOT name their kid Francesca, Vinny, Maria, or Lorenzo, for crying out loud?!?!

4. Cocktail hour includes all the antipasto of your wildest dreams.

Ten kinds of olives, a dozen types of cheese, prosciutto, salami, mortadella, stuffed mushrooms, marinated artichokes, calamari…

5. There are several bottles of wine on every table.

And they’ll all be empty within an hour.

6. It took the bride and groom roughly three months to figure out seating…

…since Aunt Rose can’t sit next to Aunt Giovanna because they haven’t spoken in 10 years and Uncle Tony still hasn’t paid back the money he borrowed from Cousin Gino.

7. There’s a veil. And it’s super important.

Go on, progressive bride. Go ahead and just try to wear that quirky or trendy dress and skip the veil. Your family isn’t having it.

10. And they’ll all get your little Italian nonna on the dance floor…

11. …just in time for her to ask you and all your single siblings/cousins when you’ll be getting married.

“Sooo…”

12. Within an hour, all the women will be dancing without shoes.

13. The maid of honor’s speech includes how she can’t wait to be a godmother.

14. If the mother of bride is wearing black, it miiiight be a sign she doesn’t exactly love the groom.

16. And then there’s that one uncle who only makes an appearance at weddings and funerals and who everyone is pretty sure might be in the mob.

17. Viennese hour is NO joke.

18. And it probably includes one of these bad boys.

Oh yeah.

19. You can bet your bottom dollar the wedding cake has cannoli cream lurking somewhere in its layers.

Either that or it’s a tiramisu cake.

20. The espresso machine makes a grander entrance than the bride and groom themselves.

21. There are at least a handful of relatives who bring Tupperware for leftovers.

Hey, no shame in that game. Italians hate wasting food!

23. Which is likely yet another ceramic knickknack that’ll go on to collect dust in your junk drawer.

25. Any and all gossip by your older guests will be spoken exclusively in Italian.

26. Everyone leaves having had an AWESOME time…because let’s face it: Italians know how to party.